Exciting New Beginnings (Kathryn and I)

Despite the title of this article, I'm not a big believer in the "New Year, New Me" mindset that our culture loves (and reviles) this time of year.  No, the new exciting beginnings that I refer to have come in the form of a new relationship in my life with my girlfriend, Kathryn.

Now, before you exit out of your browser in fear of a sappy, soppy gushing blog post, I promise I'll try to refrain from sharing all of my feelings about her, because I think I could write a book about all of that.  But what I will try to convey is some of the processes that led me into a relationship with truly the most amazing girl I've ever met.

At the beginning of this year, I was very curious of what God might have in store for me in the area of a romantic relationship.  Often times, I reasoned that I would just be "open" to the idea of a relationship.  Unfortunately, for me at times this led into thinking that every cute girl that I met with a good personality could potentially be a girlfriend of mine.

Fortunately though, God has his ways of teaching us lessons, and he used my calling to clearly reveal to me that every single one of the girls that I had potentially considered was not called into the same arena of ministry that I was, and did not fit with the gifting and calling that God had placed upon my life.  At the same time, close friends in my life pointed out specific areas of spiritual weakness that I needed to resolve and focus on with a renewed determination.  This and other clear instances of God speaking to me led me into a period of truly and intentionally waiting on the Lord and his timing, not pursuing relationships of my own accord, but realizing that intimacy with Christ is more satisfying than anything I could ever hope to achieve with a girl outside of His perfect will.

God taught me so much more through this time of singleness, through my church, small group, personal relationship with my small group leader, roommate, basketball team, professors and classes in the short span of one semester that I stand at the end of it amazed that I could change and develop so much in such a short time.  And truly, it would be humanly impossible, so I can only attribute it to the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit inside of me.

So, where does Kathryn enter the picture?  Well, Kathryn and I had met at summer camp last July, and had a very long and deep talk about ministry, our lives and school.  I had thoroughly enjoyed our conversation, but nothing came out of it except becoming friends on Facebook and following her on Instagram.  As the year carried on, I continued to see her genuine heart for the Lord through her posts, many of which were artistic scripture letterings.  I also saw that her heart for children and cross-cultural ministry that we had spoken about before was very genuine, not something that she talked about but never practiced.

And without thinking too much of it, I wrote her a happy birthday message on November 4th, and included the two words "Miss you" and a happy face.   Kathryn has since told me that she had a discussion with her roommate as to the implication of those two words, but the small post later led to me striking up a conversation, which eventually led to the two of us meeting up when she came through Chicago after Thanksgiving to visit family.

And... I must say, I was confused by our time.  Not because of anything that she said, not because of any relational problem, but I was confused because I had begun to develop feelings for her, both through speaking with her often over social media and having VERY MUCH enjoyed our time together, walking, talking and laughing.  There were so many things that attracted me to her, like her sincere heart in pursuing Christ, and her encouraging, joyful demeanor.

But I was supposed to be single!

As you can imagine, I was in a bit of a dilemma.  God had been growing and molding me SO much, and I was excited to share that with someone who understood and who also sought to grow daily in her relationship with Him.  So I started praying, and I started reading the Bible.  And with each passing day, my feelings for her started to grow and grow.  The guys on my floor noticed first.  They'd wonder who I was texting, snapchatting, and why I was walking around the floor with a huge goofy grin painted on my face.

As I continued to seek God's will for me, He began to give me the confidence that going forward was the right thing to do.  And I must admit that like Gideon, I struggled to believe God the first time he told me to go forward, as well as the second... and third...

But eventually, it became crystal clear to me that she was the girl that God had been shaping me for and preparing me for this semester.  Perhaps to an outsider it might seem as if I'm projecting my own view onto God's actions in my life, but I say this with complete assuredness that it is true— God led Kathryn and I to each other at exactly the perfect time in our lives, and though I cannot see the future, I have no doubt that she continually points me towards Christ in our relationship right now, and does not desire that I lift her up in place of my intimacy with the one who really matters.

Her joy, encouragement, loving demeanor, positive outlook, sincerity, selflessness, and affection has given me a more complete view of what the Father's love is like for us his children, and her perspective on scripture and life has been valuable and insightful in my own pursuit of God.

It has been incredible to see how much God has shaped me and molded me, finally into a man who can LEAD and run alongside a woman who is already desperately seeking after Christ with all her heart.  And I don't doubt that we both have long roads ahead of us, whether together or apart, but I can say with complete confidence that my beautiful girlfriend has spurred me on toward the ultimate goal of Christ.

And not everything about our relationship is purely spiritual.  I just REALLY enjoy being around her and just talking with her.  She's got a wonderful sense of humor and stunning outward beauty to match her breathtaking inner beauty.  She doesn't mind that I talk a lot when she makes me nervous; she sits back and listens to me with her bright blue eyes and smiles, because she likes to listen.

Just as much has God has led both of us spiritually throughout the years to this point where we can now, despite our own inadequacies and shortcomings, point each other heavenward through the power of the Holy Spirit, he has also crafted our personalities, strengths and weaknesses, preferences and senses of humor to come together in a lovely harmony that has become the relationship I now can so undeservedly write about as my own.

And I know it's all very recent, and we're only in the first stages of our relationship.  But I don't doubt for a moment that through seeking Christ and His will in our lives, this relationship will be a beautiful thing— more and more with each new sunrise, just as I learn and appreciate new aspects of Kathryn's beauty with each passing day, as I learned about God when I truly begun to pursue him passionately.  Because even beautiful things have humble beginnings.

And this is the beginning of something beautiful.